The Psychology of Submission: How it works
Anyone outside the BDSM lifestyle, when looking inside the realms of Dom/sub-equation, will think it rather foreign and strange. Let’s walk you into the psychology of submission: how it works.
More often, it’s harder to understand the submissive rather than dominant role. Dominants retain control and have the power. Submissives relinquish it, so it’s natural that people ask. “But what does a submissive get out of this sexual fantasy?”
Looking at this dynamic from the outside, you only superficially scrape the surface. You only see the obvious – a strong dominant male towering the delicate, powerless female submissive. He looks powerful, she looks weak.
The reality is that’s not all that meets the eye. The psychology of submission is intricate and interesting once you understand how it works. The submission relationship is one that is constantly in negotiation…
A relationship in constant negotiation
Dominance and submission is a constant negotiation between two consenting partners. One leads the other follows. Each one has a different need; one needs to control and the other to be controlled. Even though each one is on a different side of the power spectrum – trust and power are equal.
Here are a few fallacies surrounding doms/sub relationships. Here are a few listed:
- They get what they want
- Subs do what they are told
- Subs should never ask for what they want.
- Doms never ask for the sub’s input. This makes them look weak.
- It all revolves in a very serious tone.
These are obviously wrong.
A large majority of Doms and subs are in relationships that both find fulfilling. And for it to work these are the points Dom/Sub relationships must observe:
- Dominants do not take anything without mutual agreement, consent and negotiation. Dominants need permission from a submissive always.
- After rules have been discussed and agreed on, and the consent has been gained the submissive does as told.
- Both the Dom and the sub can at any time express their wants, desires whenever they want.
- A light approach to the dynamics of this relationship is essential. So laughter and teasing are elements that are important to the relationship.
Essentially, this type of relationship is a give and take power dynamic, each one feeding off each other.
Submission & dominant
It’s a complex balance and simple too. It’s a power exchange between two willing individuals. The Dominant makes the rules ( in mutual agreement)and takes responsibility for the care of another. Submissive follows the rules, serves their Dominant, and should provide feedback in the form of consent and safewords.
Both the Dom and submissive have their part to play and they have their own power in this interesting dynamic. Most important is that both are equal but different too.